Story List - Jonathan K. Webb

A handy list of all my fictional writings.

Abinmo & David

Sometimes life on Earth ain’t easy and all you hope for is an alien to abduct you and take you on a journey across the cosmos. Unfortunately life in space isn’t so exciting either.

Topics: Ufos, aliens, satire, unlikely friendship

Anthony hates water slides. Sophia loves them. Anthony likes Sophia. Today he’s decided to overcome that fear and impress her, but perhaps he should have listened to his gut because what lies at the foot of the slide isn’t worse than he ever feared.

Topics: Horror, liminal, cosmic horror

Billionaire Brutus Mayne Invests into Prison Reform!

Mothman City, MH. Local billionaire Brutus Mayne has pledged to end the brutal treatment of the inmates at the Markham State Asylum for the Criminally Insane, home of local vigilante’s Catman’s infamous “Rogues Galley.” The public is not happy with Mr. Mayne’s humanitarian aid, but Mr. Mayne says that he will not rest until the inmates there are given human treatment.

Topics: Superhero, satire, comedy

Bitter Black Beans

We drink coffee to build machines. We build machines so we can drink more coffee.

Topics: Poetry, coffee

Bo’ub

While exploring the ruins of an ancient civilization in Antarctica a woman encounters a horror unlike any other.

Topics: Scifi, Lovecraftian, comedy

The Bowl

Mike found Julia’s bowl of spices, and now Mike can’t stop eating.

Topics: Horror, weird

Boxed In

The life of a mimic is one of patience and cleverness. To be the best you must have both, since a mimic can only change forms after their trap has sprung and their mean of adventurers has been consumed. Well, it’s been ten thousand years since anybody has come to the derelict castle I lay in wait in, and I’m beginning to think that taking a form of a storage crate might have been a mistake.

Topics: Fantasy, introspective

Cassettes

I found a box of strange cassettes in the attic. They’ve taken me places I can’t describe.

Topics: weird

Code Inspection

It’s not easy building a temple dedicated to an ancient long forgotten elder god on top of an apartment complex, especially when those pesky folks from the city’s code department bust out the old archaic codes from the past specifically for this kind of construction. Who knew that their code books dated thousands of years back when worshiping the old gods was nothing more than a passing fad, like Bennie Babies?

Topics: Comedy, horror comedy, weird

Community Meeting

Do you know that giant fireball in the sky? No not the sun, the other one. Yeah, it’s taken a new route and we need to discuss how it’s affecting our quaint little neighborhood. Wear your protection, you don’t want to arrive with blisters and blinded vision.

Topics: Magical realism, comedy

The Constant

Every empire that has ever existed in our galaxy has perished to the same man over and over again. After two centuries of searching, I have found him.

Topics: Scifi

The Department of Unholy Deals (Or My Life as an Antinatalist Demon)

Torturing human souls was fun for the first eight millennia or so, but after that it just became the same old same old. Luckily my idea of having humans make a deal with the horned devil himself in return for the first born son took off, and one of these centuries humans will hopefully stop having kids all together once we scare them out of having them. Then I can finally retire and take of knitting.

Topics: Comedy, dark comedy

D’heet Z’hin

The prophecy foretold of a man born within our village will one day finally free us of the grasp of the Carnot Empire. The spirit D’heet Z’hin lives within him, and he shall carry us to victory. Wait, are we sure he’s the right guy?

Topics: Chosen one, fantasy

A Donkey’s Wisdom

I have granted wisdom from my roost of stone and cloth on the highest point of the highest mountain since time immemorial. People have come all around the globe for centuries seeking out my advice, and yet I’ve grown indifferent towards my own teachings. Until I decided to confront an immortal donkey.

Topics: Introspective, comedy, supernatural

Enjoy It While It Lasts

We exist within a sliver of a sliver of a sliver of a sliver of time. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Topics: Introspective

The Feeders

They came from the sky, their tendrils fed on everything in their path.

Topics: Scifi, horror, cosmic horror

The Final Temple

I was the most devout of his followers. I built a temple dedicated to his reign during the Age of Madness. Some would say I was the best architect of my era, but I disagree, I was the best to ever live. But my time there was cut short as I found myself in a far future sitting in front of a middle aged woman who sounds just like my old master. (Part of the Adventures of Dar’goth series)

Topics: Horror comedy, weird, dark comedy

Heart Stoppers

What happens when two assassins accidentally assassinate each other during a botch job? Romance, that’s what happens.

Topics: Assassins, comedy, romance

The Horns of Lochrane

The horns are howling, the windstorms are nigh.

Topics: Fantasy

The Humans

We created the humans in our image, except they’re way more intelligent and aggressive than we could ever anticipate.

Topics: SciFi, comedy

I Am Human. I Am Human.

Some might call me a fanatic, others obsessive. I just like to think of myself as a connoisseur of the human form. After all, what makes a human if not the flesh upon their bones?

Topics: Horror, cosmic horror, skin theft

Interception

A runner wakes up in a room he doesn’t recognize, his memories a jumbled mess. How did he get here, and who did he piss off this time?

Chapters: 1, 2

Topics: Scifi, cyberpunk

Inter-Dimensional Day Trip With Bigfoot

A host of a late night paranormal talk show get a call from a man who claims to have taken a strange trip with bigfoot while visiting the woods.

Topics: Absurdist, comedy, weird

Jack and the Girl

Jack can’t catch a break. He’s a loser to the T, even his own brain can’t stand him. But all is about to change when he meets a certain girl with a particular set of skills.

Topics: Scifi, comedy

The Last Apple

Once the last apple had been eaten, the doctors finally showed their true faces.

Topics: Comedy, horror, horror-comedy, medical drama

The Last Voyage of the Sea King

The city is long destroyed, people are living inland. A storm is coming, and the Sea King must stop it.

Topics: Post-Apocalyptic

Let the World Hurry By

A woman overwhelmed by the world retreats into her home. She just needs a break.

Topics: Magical realism, introspection

The Lonely Grave

Somewhere within the Neighborhood of Wonder lies a lonely grave within an undeveloped lot.

Topics: Magical realism

Long Forgotten Face

It’s been fifteen years since we’ve last seen each other. It wasn’t easy living with one another after an irreversible body-swap. If we had only hadn’t had that fight. Now I need to see him, still wearing my body, for some much needed closure. What they don’t show you in those body-swap comedies is just how horrifying it really is to live as another.

Topics: Drama, supernatural, body-swap, deconstruction

The LSA

What happens with a character on a sitcom becomes unfunny?

Topics: Weird, satire

The Midnight Bus

A man’s bus is late, again. When it finally arrives the driver takes him to battle.

Topics: Action, comedy, urban fantasy

Numb Snow

I awoke in a frozen forest with no memory of how I got there. The snow is numb to the touch and the sun through the woods whispers to me.

Topics: surreal, horror

Perfectly Reasonable

He had haunted the walls of the house for years, scaring off any newcomer who had ever stepped foot within his house, until now. Scientists ruin everything!

Topics: Supernatural, comedy

Pigeon Cop

High up in the sky, I fly searching for coo-rooks on the run. The citizens believe I’m a waste of taxpayers money, a joke, and an embarrassment. But I’ll show them! Now if only the criminals took me seriously too…

Topics: Comedy, absurdist, pigeons?

Potted Plant

Todd & Wren have moved to the suburbs with their seven year old daughter. The house has everything they need: ample room to raise a child, located near a good school, and a strange man hiding behind a potted plant in their living room.

Topics: Horror, weird

Pretty Eyes

I know you’re wondering how I got here in the first place. Well let you tell you the story about my date with the strange woman who obsessed over my eyes. Wait you’ve heard this one? Trust me, my story’s different.

Topics: Horror, comedy, weird

Probable Crimes

Every year we sit before the Oracle while it calculates our futures, fearing our own potential. But the machine isn’t right, its outcomes are just probable, but the judges detest. I should know, I helped build it.

Topics: Scifi

The Pups in the Yard

One of these days the pups in the yard will play with a squirrel. Part of the Neighborhood of Wonder. Check out the first draft if you want to see how it began.

Topics: Magical realism, comedy

Rain

She was born with the gift of telepathy, but nobody must know.

Topics: Supernatural, scifi

Ratman Found Guilty of All Child Abuse Charges!

In Mega City, infamous vigilante Ratman has been found guilty of child abuse for taking in young men under his crime fighting wing.

Topics: Comedy, satire, superhero

Recessive

You’d think that being the only human amongst a family of vampires, werewolfs, and shapeshifters would suck, but it has its perks.

Topics: Supernatural, satire

Retirement

I’ve been called upon for many centuries to help my empire become the strongest with the promise of a glorious retirement at the end of the millennium. Except when I woke up my empire is nothing more than dust and rubble and yet the machines call upon me to win a war that is no more.

Topics: SciFi, introspective, post-apocalyptic

The Road to R-Day

R-Day, as most of you know by now, was the single greatest medical discovery since the vaccine, and the most significant spiritual event since Jesus walked the Earth. But how did we get here?

Topics: Scifi

Sad Sack of Flesh

Dana and her brother Stephen are meeting up for coffee, except Stephen’s looking a little decayed.

Topics: Supernatural, zombie

Safe Haven

On the outskirts of the farm, strange creatures lurk. We must harvest to keep them away.

Topics: Horror, flash fiction

The Scouts

We were afraid of the abyss between stars so we sent weapons out to exterminate those who laid between them. Except our own weapons have come back to take care of us.

Topics: SciFi

Seven Years

Todd & Wren finally got their night out since their newborn arrived in this world. What was supposed to be short date night is prolonged by a rather long red light in their sleepy rural town.

Topics: Weird

The Skin Tailor

A tailor who works with flesh is forced to give a fugitive a new face.

Topics: Weird

The Subtle Silhouette

A seasoned henchman takes a promising job helping a young upstart villain.

Topics: Superheroes

The Suburban Glow

Far on the outskirts of the city, you can see the suburban glow.

Topics: Introspective

Swing

Loss isn’t easy. Why can’t we swing to heaven?

Follow up story: The Weight of Death

Topics: Introspective, depressing

A Thousand Years

A man is sentenced to a thousand years of life.

Topics: Scifi

The Twenty-Niners

Like all of you, at the time of my birth I was given by the oracles the month and day of my death: February the 29th. However, they did not account for the fact that due to some political shenanigans the 29th day of February would be wiped away from our calendars. Its been four hundred years since then and I’m still waiting to die.

Topics: Immortality, absurd, introspective

The Two Minute Rule

A man forgets to clean a mess from the previous night and reflects on his mother’s golden rule of cleaning.

Topics: Weird, comedy, fable

Unregistered Tenants

You can see them too? That’s a shame. I really liked you miss landlord, your rent was so cheap for this part of town. Oh well, I guess the celestial beings and I will have to sacrifice your body to become the avatar of our long awaited god, Dar’goth. We have big plans, I hope you understand as an entrepreneur yourself that these sacrifices must be made.

Follow up story: Code Inspection

Topics: Comedy, dark comedy